Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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