Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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