i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
