Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
