We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
