i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
