Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
