Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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