Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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