also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
