I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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