the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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