I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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