Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
