i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
