My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
