I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
