we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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