My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
