I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
