i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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