Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
