So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
