forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
