thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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