this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
