my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My breasts were aching with rage.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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