This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
