Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
