I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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