there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
bring money and cleavage
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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