STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
