She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
