So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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