I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this just has baby written all over it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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