totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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