so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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