Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I bet he comes in French.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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