Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

Pants 0. Shit 1.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.

(651): View more from Minnesota

Looks like I won that one

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(904): View more from Florida

Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.

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(727): View more from Florida

I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.

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