More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
