I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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