i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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