If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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