Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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