i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
