My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
operation harelip BJ is a go
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
