I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
