I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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