i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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