YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
