OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
