just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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