why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
