my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.