You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?