I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Still dying that you shit outside
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.