dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says