he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.