I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...