She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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