Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
