i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
