Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
