The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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