Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
