is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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