i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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