I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
