I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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