Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
