were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
